Gratitude

In the past few months, there are many times I have felt exhausted, depressed, scared and confused.  Along with the feeling of exhaustion, I have developed a gratitude for small things such as a nap in the middle of the day, a chair to sit down on, my kind daughter who lets me go to bed early while she cleans the kitchen and starts the dishwasher.  Along with the occasional feelings of depression, I am learning compassion for those who suffer constantly from depression or anxiety, and my heart has softened for those who feel scared and alone.  Along with my own thoughts of confusion, I have gained some compassion for those with memory problems.  I think of Scott's Grandma who just turned 90... She often repeats the same stories over and over.  I love her, and her stories.  Above all, I have been taught more about the enabling power of the Atonement.  I have felt the strength the Lord has been to me in my life.  I think of Matthew 11:28-30 "Come unto me, all ye that labour and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest.  Take my yoke upon you, and learn of me; for I am meek and lowly in heart; and ye shall find rest unto your souls.  For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light."

August 1, 2014 - Scott gave me a priesthood blessing... "As I face the trials ahead, know that God is at the helm.  These trials will help shape my character and the person I will become.  The illness that my body is fighting right now will fully go away because of the care I have given my body these past few years."

I still continued to exercise in the mornings at least 4 times a week and eat healthy.  Although, that usually went out the window when Friday Date Night came around each week. :X

I could usually drive as long as it was not in the late afternoon or at night.  When I was tired, the world would start spinning around me.  There were times that I didn't take driving very seriously... as if I was just playing Mario Kart, and it didn't really matter if I paid that much attention.

October 20, 2014 - I had my 3rd appointment with Dr. Petersen.  I almost started crying in the middle of it when I discussed how I was barely functioning each day.  My mental clarity has been pretty bad, I was tired all of the time, and I could keep the headaches from getting too bad as long as I got a nap and went to bed early.  When I do go to sleep, I seem to go into a coma-like state.  When the kids would come home late, they use to wake me up to let me know that they were home safe.  Now, I keep the light by my bed on, and they have to write their names on a piece of paper and leave it on my nightstand because I am not "wake-able".  Most people with Lyme have insomnia.  I definitely prefer the "coma" over not being able to sleep.

Dr. Petersen put me back on Doxycycline, Azithromycin and Plaquenil.  He also decided to put me on Adderall to help with my mental clarity.

October 24, 2014 - I took my first dose of Adderall 20mg.  I probably should have read the label because I took it at 6:00pm... needless to say, I was wired and up ALL night. @-) I practically finished a whole 1000 piece puzzle.  I was feeling mentally clear for the first time in 6 months.

October 25, 2014 - I decided to take the Adderall first thing in the morning.  I still didn't sleep all night.

October 27, 2014 - I took 10mg of Adderall by opening the 20mg capsules up and pouring half of the beads into empty capsules.  It was the perfect formula.  I felt mentally clear, and yet I still was able to take a nap and sleep well at night.  I felt about 85% my normal self.  I still had minor joint aches and more tired than I use to be, but my body is still fighting a disease so that is to be expected.

When I first went in to see Dr. Petersen, he told Scott and I that the recovery process can be anywhere from 8 months to 3 years.  Now that I was feeling so well, I thought.. "I'm going to be on the 8 month side of things."

November was a happy month.  I went on a business trip to Maryland and had a great time.  It was so nice to be feeling 85% normal.