Remembering Lot's Wife

I have been thinking a lot about Lot's Wife lately... Inspired by the talk "Remember Lot's Wife" given by Elder Jeffrey R. Holland in 2009.  Elder Holland asks "...what did Lot's wife do that was so wrong? ... as a partial answer... Apparently, what was wrong with Lot's wife was that she wasn't just looking back; in her heart she wanted to go back.  It would appear that even before they were past the city limits, she was already missing what Sodom and Gomorrah had offered her. ...Is it possible that Lot's wife looked back with resentment toward the Lord for what He was asking her to leave behind.  ... So it isn't just that she looked back; she looked back longingly.  In short, her attachment to the past outweighed her confidence in the future.  That, apparently, was at least part of her sin."

I have found myself thinking too much about what life use to be like, and wanting to go back to my old life.  THAT IS NOT THE PATH TO HEALING.  It is such an easy trap to fall into... only thinking of ourselves, especially when we are the ones needing so much extra attention at the moment.  I read somewhere that people who spend some time each day reaching out to others who are suffering with the same disease or circumstance, suffer less themselves and are able to heal faster.  I BELIEVE THAT!  I know that my future is bright.  The Lord has great things in store for me, and I need to have the faith to "partake of the bitter cup, without becoming bitter".

I felt pretty good during the month of December.  Christmas is absolutely my favorite holiday, but this last Christmas was different.  I felt at peace when thinking about the Savior and His birth, but I had a hard time getting excited about decorating, gifts, etc.  My feelings about Christmas were definitely "bi-polar".  My heart just wasn't in it, and I felt guilty for feeling that way.  I had no idea that these new feelings were most likely related to the Lyme.

January 5, 2015 - I was filled with anxiety all day.  I didn't really understand why.  I assumed it was because tomorrow would be the day we start back to homeschooling, routines and my daughter's 16th birthday.  I wasn't ready to go back to all of that.  Plus, it is a busy time of year with my accounting business.  Everyone needs their year end finances completed, so they can get their taxes filed before the deadline.

I had my 4th appointment with Dr. Petersen.  My husband couldn't come with me, so I dragged our 17 year old son.  He was ecstatic (:|  I told the doctor that it didn't seem like the Adderall was working as well as it use to.  My mental clarity is really bad,  and I don't trust myself with driving.  I can drive, but it is like having your 80 year old Grandma drive... She can, but should she be really???  He put me on Adderall 10 mg, Doxycycline, Azythromycin, Plaquenil & Bactrim.

January 6, 2015 - Scott gave me a priesthood blessing of comfort and peace: "I will not be healed from my illness right away.  I will learn to rely on the Atonement.  I need to smile, and use all of my senses to enjoy the blessings around me.  I am laying the foundation of a great work."

January 15, 2015 - Rachel has been taking classes to get her CNA license.  She took my blood pressure this afternoon, and it read 92/58.

January 19, 2015 - I did some research to see if Lyme disease can cause symptoms like POTS (Postural Orthostatic Tachycardia Syndrome).  When laying down my blood pressure was 100/70 with a heart rate of 80.  When I stood up, my blood pressure was 110/92 with a heart rate of 94.  Dr. Petersen called me in a prescription of Florinef (.1 mg) for the low blood pressure.

The symptoms that have worsened the past two weeks are anxiety, depression, blurry vision, racing heart, dizziness, fatigue and brain fog.