Living in a Dream

It's not the good kind of dream, like when I was in Hawaii with my parents, brothers & sisters laying on the beach... good times. *sigh*  It is the kind of dream when you are trying to get somewhere really important, but you keep stumbling over your own feet.  That is what life was mostly like from May to November 2014.

One person explained their feelings of brain fog as being similar to dehydration.  REAL dehydration.  When your body is literally begging you for water and is shutting down certain mental functions in favor of sending water to your vital organs.  Thinking about complex matters becomes nearly impossible.  If I tried to plan ahead, solve a problem, assess a situation or analyze something, my brain stutters, whines and gives up like an old engine on a cold morning.  I may be in the middle of a conversation and forget what I was talking about.  It is as if my brain glitches, goes on "stand by" and then tries to reboot.

I tried to compensate for this by writing down notes about everything, but then I would forget to look at the notes.  If it is out my sight, it is literally out my mind.  Multi-tasking is impossible.  I told Dr. Petersen that I was feeling very frustrated because I use to be pretty smart.

Before this illness, a typical day's activities would be...
Wake up at 4:15
Pray & Read Scriptures
Lift Weights
Ride my bike or go for a 2 mile walk
Shower before the kids got up
Homeschool my kids
Plan the meals
Do the shopping
Clean the house
Work on my stay-at-home accounting business
Nap (I have always loved my naps :) )
Family Dinner
Work on my church calling with the Young Women
Family Prayers & Family Scriptures
Go to bed around 9:30

These lyrics to the song "Beautiful Heartbreak" by Hilary Weeks ran through my mind over and over when I was first diagnosed.  I tried to push them out of my thoughts and say to myself "It's not THAT bad", "I was told I would be healed anyway", "this song is just coincidence".  It has come to mean more and more to me over the months.